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Ask "the marriage doctors"
Your Questions About
Love and Marriage

Send your questions about marriage and love to:
Doctors@SuccessfulMarriageReflections.com

Dear Marriage Doctors,

I have just met my boyfreind and we love each other. I love him and he loves me. But he is over weight and he feels insecure. I just want to make him feel special and secure because I love him so much, but I don't know how. We have not yet made love because he is working from far and he will be coming soon to visit me.

Debby

Dear Debby,

First, while you need to help him feel more secure, the only way he will do that if he is concerned about his weight is to move toward slow and steady weight loss. You can help him the most by exercising with him, eating a good low fat diet with him and just plain encouraging him to lose the weight so he feels more secure about himself. Making him just feel good for the moment is not a long term solution to his self-concept issues. If they really stem solely from his weight, losing the weight will do marvelous things for his positive attitudes and how he feels about himself. To have a sustained and rock solid relationship, both individuals need to feel good about themselves. Keep loving him, but help him love himself.

Best wishes for a successful relationship with you loved one.
Love well!
"the marriage doctors"

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Dear Marriage Doctors,

I have some trust issues with my husband. Although I have caught him in some little white lies occasionally I have never had any concrete evidence he has cheated on me. Today I was going through a box in his dresser and I found a woman's necklace that was not my own. This maybe no big thing but I was wondering what he was doing with it. Am I overacting?  Should I ask him about it?  It has worried me more than a little. Please offer any advice you can. Thank You.

Isabel

Dear Isabel,

We can tell you from all of the hundreds of highly successful couples we have interviewed, the only approach that is ultimately successful is talking about your concerns in a straight-forward and caring manner. Pick a comfortable time and place to have the conversation and then let your husband know about your concerns including the necklace you found.  Be prepared to hear excuses, a truth that you may not be ready for, or a disappointment in you for not trusting him outright.  In any case, watch his actions in addition to his words.  Actions always speak louder than words. Observe whether or not he is responding defensively or if he is upset because you doubted him.  What you have to do is determine how truthful he is during the conversation with him.

The most important point that we can make is that you will always have a lingering doubt unless you address it directly with him.  Events like this require directness. Trust us on this.

We wish you much success in resolving this issue.

Love Well!
"the marriage doctors"

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*Names will be changed and answers provided with total confidentiality (see Privacy Policy).

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