Can You Find Love Again?

by Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

One of the most telling questions in our interview protocol with people who say they have true love is this – “Can you imagine live without the one you love?”  For those who truly love each other, the answer is always “NO!”  Without fail, people who are deeply in love – deeply committed to each other – cannot imagine life without each other and when they share their answer, their eyes welt up with tears as they contemplate the question – as they provide their “No” answer.  Losing someone you love is experiencing your worst nightmare.  Trust us on that.

But the truth is, some wonderfully loving relationships end because of the death of one of them.  As hard as it is to imagine, sometimes the one you love dies.  There is no way to sugarcoat this reality.  When it happens it is devastating, it is awful, it is heartbreaking.

Recently, we heard a touching story from someone we met.  Her story is one of those that inspires you.  It is a story that tells you that finding true love all over again is possible – even after the death of a spouse.

Barb was awaken in the middle of the night and was told that her husband, who had been out of town on business, had been involved in automobile accident involving a drunk driver.  The policeman on the other end told her that her husband, Joe, was dead.  Barb was stunned.  She told the officer that he must be mistaken.   Sadly, he was not.  Joe was dead.  She was now living her nightmare.

Over the weeks and months ahead it began to sink in to Barb that Joe was gone and that she would never see him again.  Death is, as Barb found out, a permanent state.

For the next 11 years, Barb was content with an occasional date, but swore she would never again find such a wonderful and caring man like Joe.  When he died, her perfect man was gone forever in her eyes and could never be replaced.  She simply resigned herself to the fact that she would spend the rest of her life as a single, widowed woman.  She had built a successful company in her hometown and devoted most of her energy to it.  She was content with her life the way it was.

But a funny thing happened one day – a new man came into her life at the wonderful age of 57!  His name was Tony, and Barb was smitten with him.

You see, Barb is a very attractive, highly confident, very feminine, assertive, self-sufficient, intelligent, well read, spiritual, and self-assured woman.  She stays in great shape by walking, riding her bike, hiking, dancing, and playing tennis.  For all these reasons, she was content to be single.  And as you might guess, these same attributes scared away most men.  It took a man with many of Barb’s same characteristics to have the courage to ask her out on a date.  Well, along came Tony.  He asked her out and everything changed.

After their first date three months ago they have become virtually inseparable.  They are always holding hands or in some way embracing each other as they visit the local zoo, the botanical garden, the art museum, and take in a concert together at the local symphony hall.  More than anything, they love sharing meals together with a good bottle of wine, going fishing, learning how to dance the Tango, and cuddling on the couch as they talk endlessly into the night.

The other day, Barb told us that she had found herself the man of her dreams.  She was in love with a man who was similar in many ways to her deceased husband, Joe.  And to her great satisfaction, her new beau, Tony, understands completely how much she loved her first husband and is not at all threatened by that.  He loves her deeply and the feeling is certainly mutual.

Not so many days ago, Barb was sure she would never find another man to share her life with.  She had told so many friends and acquaintances over the years that when Joe was killed, her “fire went out.”  But now she is fond of telling everyone, she “has struck another match!”

Finding true love again is somewhat like that elusive butterfly we have written about before.  The butterfly of love can elude you until you sit quietly and patiently under a tall Oak tree and contemplate the serenity and beauty of the moment – and then suddenly, the elusive butterfly of love will land on your shoulder.

Falling in love all over again can happen to you.  It did to Barb.  It did to Tony.  This love story has a most happy beginning.  Thank the butterfly.

Love Well!!