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Love and Marriage Article
Do Women Really Test the Love of Their Man?

by Dr. Charles D. Schmitz and Dr. Elizabeth A. Schmitz

Well, today we will admit to having heard it all!  Guests on a morning television show on a cable news network offered the following piece of “scientific fact” – “A woman will test the loyalty of her man each and every day!”  Oh, really?

A funny thing happened on the way to the forum.  We have studied successful marriage and relationships for over 27 years and we have NEVER heard one single couple tell us this.  Not one!  Where does this stuff come from?

In fact, we would offer that in successful love and marriage, the contrary point of view has much, much more credibility.  In other words, those married couples that have been successfully married for many years rarely, IF EVER, test their mates in this way.  The truth is, they trust the one they love completely and never consider the notion of having to “test their loyalty each and everyday!”

Frankly, the kind of “research” quoted on this TV show is exactly what is wrong with many of the books written about love and marriage – about many of the so-called “research findings” about successful love and marriage. 

The bookstore shelves are full of negative and inaccurate information about love and marriage.  Trust us on that.  But the real truth is, what many counselors and psychologists learn about dysfunctional relationships in their private practice, bears virtually no relationship to the reality of successful relationships.

We often say in our writings about successful love and marriage that you don’t learn about success by studying failure.  You learn about success by studying success.  Hence, in our studies of long-time, successfully married couples over two decades, we have learned this lesson above all others – they trust each other without conditions!  The notion that people in love test each other’s loyalty each day is, pardon the strength of this admonishment, ridiculous, utterly and completely!

So what is the truth?  First of all, at the heart of successful love and marriage is trust.  In our book, Golden Anniversaries:  The Seven Secrets of Successful Marriage, we have a chapter entitled “Character in Love and Marriage.”  In that chapter we report our findings related to trust, honesty, and character in a successful marriage.  And we must admit, over all the years we have been doing our research across cultures and continents (five continents and nearly 40 countries), we have never, ever, heard these couples talk about how they “test” each other “each and every day.”  In fact, the evidence we have collected would suggest just the opposite – they trust each other so much that they NEVER have to test their loyalty for each other!

The sad truth is, many writers and so-called “researchers” about love and marriage are more interested in getting on television and radio with their crazy notions – so interested in making a name for themselves – that they will say anything to support their perspective, irrespective of the truth.  It seems that being famous has become more important than helping people – about uttering the truth!

Here is what we ask those of you who are truly and completely in love – do you test the loyalty of your mate each and every day?  Do you question their true love for you?  Do you believe the one you love will cheat on you or be deceptive with their actions?  We think not!

Here is what we know – people who are truly in love, who are engaged in a successful and loving relationship, do not have to “test” each other.  They know that their love is total, honest, and complete.  People who are truly in love know that a “test of love” is not necessary.  They take their mutual love as a fait accompli.  Their love for each other will stand the test of time.  Engaging in silly games about love is not their cup of tea.

You see, Simple Things Matter in love and marriage.  Love well!

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